Relationship Status: Situationship

If you are a twenty (even thirty) something you are more than likely familiar with the term “situationship.” For those of you who are not, a situationship is a situation disguised as a relationship that usually leaves someone hurt. What makes situationships so hard to uncover is that both individuals usually have feelings for each other but for one reason or another they are not in a relationship. It can be quite complicated, sometimes you work twice as hard as in an actual relationship because you are trying to hold back feelings. There are no labels or titles but it is clearly understand that “we’re more than friends but we’re not in a committed relationship either.” Many characteristics of a relationship are present but that just isn’t what it is. Sadly, sometimes it is hard to know that you are in one until it’s over. Dangerous things, those situationships. 

For some a situationship is exactly what they want — testing the waters, dating many men at once, or to simply “have fun.” In past decades one might say, “isn’t that just a jump-off or booty call?” No, there is a lot more involved than just sex. For others, it is the complete opposite, you are truly looking for “the One” that everyone says is out there. So when another one bites the dust as you find out you are in a situationship you have one of two choices: continue or quit. If you continue you’re doing yourself a disservice and not being loved the way you should. If you quit you will shed baggage of being with someone who won’t commit. First, you must realize that you are in a situationship though. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to detecting a situationship but these signs may help.


Dates are rare, if they happen at all

Are the dates few and far between? Do you even go on dates? Is Netflix and chill always in the plans? Or does he say he’s “a homebody who would rather stay in for quality time,” ALL OF THE TIME. Well if you aren’t going on dates, particularly in public places this is probably a sign you are in a situationship. 

He is “not really on social media” but always on his phone

One of my many pet peeves is when someone says “I don’t really do social media” but they’re always on their phone and you see the app notifications. Umm...sounds like you’re on social media bruh but you just don’t want me to see it. Being secretive about something that is meant to be shared with others could be his way of keeping you at arms length and the other half of his situationship. 

You have not met his family (or any of his friends for that matter)

Most would consider meeting your significant other’s family a pretty big deal. Embarrassing photos and memories shared, providing a glimpse into your future in-laws. But, if you’ve been dating for a while and you haven’t met his family or even his friends? You may be in a situationship Sis. 

Pet names are always used and girlfriend is not one of them

There is nothing wrong with a “honey” here and a “Queen” there but when he uses these terms often and “girlfriend” is never one of them...Houston, we have a problem. Yes, different cultures and generations may not use the term “girlfriend” per se but you get the picture, if none of the names elude to a commitment then it’s likely you’re in a situationship. 

Infrequent communication 

This sign is sometimes hard to accept. Because yes we are all busy and do not need to be connected 24/7, otherwise we appear too clingy but, people make time for what they want. If you talk non-stop for a few days then he falls off for a week then picks back up, watch out. Yes, we have projects/deadlines, we get busy, but it takes two seconds to shoot a quick text. We walk to the bathroom, car, train, right? Then there’s time to communicate with someone you say you care about.

(Beware: Some men have mastered the opposite and will text you all day every day, FaceTime you every night but you could still be in a situationship.)

There are definitely more signs but these are ones that I have experienced and soon after realized that I was in a situationship. Once you notice these signs, be empowered to have a conversation and find out what your relationship status is. No one wants to be emotionally connected to someone that is not positively pouring back into them. Yes, you may lose out on a few dates a month and your favorite Netflix partner may be gone but ending that noncommittal cycle is very freeing and you’ll be glad you did. 

I want to know your thoughts on situationships and everything else that runs through my head, follow me on Twitter @iamtanaysha and let’s chat!